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"I
cheated on my wife and will tell you why" Married
women need to get real about why their husbands cheat.
It's pure desire, the need for sexual pleasure with no
strings attached. Marriage often strangles that desire
Let's
get real. Married men cheat because they can and they want
to. Even happily married men cheat because they don't see
the cheating as part of their marriage. It's fun,
entertainment; it's raw desire without all the headaches and
hardships of marriage.
A man
can love his wife, have no wish to leave her, but he'll
still want extra-marital sex. Married men will rarely leave
their wives for a lover because the wife gives him what the
lover can't, a family and a home.
Trouble
is, home, like work, is a place where a guy can feel caged,
unappreciated, taken for granted, overlooked. Many married
men are not treated as sexual beings at all by their wives
but as providers of money, cars, a fancy roof over a woman's
head. Men work all day at the office or factory, and they're
expected to work just as hard when they get home. With that
hanging over your head, it's not surprising that sex with
your wife is forgotten.
But
even if home is a war zone, a man doesn't lose his sexual
needs, he channels them into other stuff. It might be
harmless, like running or working out, it might be
potentially harmful, like internet chatting and porn, or it
might be directly harmful, i.e. seeking the services of a
paid professional -- this is a family site -- or finding a
lover, which could easily be his best friend's wife. Sexual
desire has no scruples.
The
lover IS NOT a replacement wife but she fulfills needs the
guy is not getting at home. He wants sex that's not attached
to household chores or all the other hoops a wife can make
him jump through. You know how it is, a guy can say the
wrong thing, do something mildly insensitive, and his wife's
sexual faucet is turned off for a week.
One of
the worst things that can happen to a cheating husband is
for his lover to start seeing herself as his future wife.
That's not what the guy wants at all. He might promise her
he'll marry her so she doesn't cut him off, but he hardly
ever means it. He's already married for goodness sake, he
doesn't want to go through all that again.
How can
I put this in the most simple way? Sexual desire goes way
deeper than moral and religious beliefs. Why do you think so
many preachers and political leaders get into trouble? Most
guys, straight or guy, need regular sex. It doesn't have to
be all dressed up in flowers and romance, in fact, the
earthier and rawer the better.
A guy
wants to be desired because he's a guy, because he's male,
not because he's a breadwinner or a good dad or a good yard
attendant. He wants his pure, unadulterated maleness to be
the reason for you to want him. He wants you to act lucky
that you have captured and kept him (pretend if you have
to).
A guy
wants his wife to look good. If she can take time choosing
outfits and make-up for work, she should spend the same
amount of time and effort looking good for her husband. Guys
love lingerie, remember that. And high heels and outfits
that show off a woman's body. Forget all those loose-fitting
leisure suits, all that baggy, comfy-around-the-house junk.
It turns a guy off.
If you
really want to stop a guy cheating, let him be a guy. That
doesn't mean allowing him to lounge and drink beer, but
praise his maleness, encourage him to fix stuff, talk dirty
to him from time to time, tell him you need him, dress up
for him. Most of all, don't settle into a routine of not
caring. Be pro-active.
It was
probably sex that got you together in the first place, so
get back to that place. Rediscover what it is to be two
horny people who can't live without each other.
by
Bruce Owen
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