How to catch a cheating spouse
We asked cheat catcher Robert Benson (he's an Infidelity Investigator) to list the most obvious signs that your husband or wife is cheating on you.
Salma Hayek
Question: Robert, before you give us the list, is it easy for someone to catch a cheating spouse without spending hundreds of dollars?
Robert: It's usually very easy but you have to have time and be ready to do the legwork. That's why many people employ an investigator. All the clues and evidence of cheating are right there under your nose, in your home. A cheating spouse will 99 times out of 100 use his or her cell phone and computer to communicate with a lover. If a cheat is careless, and they all make mistakes, that's where you'll find evidence they can't deny.
Question: Should a spouse be confronted if there is sufficient evidence to indicate cheating?
Robert: Cheats are usually very good liars. They have to lie to keep an affair going. Cheats lie to spouses, family, and their lovers. Also, the victim doesn't want to believe their spouse is cheating so they'll often, or even usually, give the cheat the benefit of the doubt the first few times.
Cheat sheet
You have reason to be suspicious your spouse is cheating on you if she or he:
- keeps their cell phone on them at all times, even at home, never allowing other family members to answer calls
- turns off his/her cell phone at home, or puts it on vibrate at home or when you are together
- ignores calls at home
- hides or destroys cell phone bills
- uses a pay-as-you-go phone when a phone plan would make more economic sense (you aren't sent records with a pay-as-you-go phone like Trac Fone)
- does not answer your calls, or turns off his/her cell phone, when away on "business" or other trips.
- suddenly starts to work out and lose weight
- starts taking a keener interest in his/her appearance, putting lots of effort into looking good even if he/she is only going to the grocery store, gym, local bar, etc
- starts a fitness program or other hobby that takes up a lot of time away from home and you have no idea where your spouse is
- if simple activities like grocery shopping take a couple of hours longer than they need to
- if he or she takes up an out-of-character activity, for example if your football-loving spouse develops an interest in art and visiting galleries (it's done to impress a lover)
- if your car is suddenly spotless (cleaning a car is done to get rid of evidence and to impress a lover)
- if she or he comes back from the grocery store or other errand smelling freshly showered
- if he/she hides or destroys credit card statements
- if he/she can't or won't tell you where they were staying or what they were doing on nights away from home on "business" or other trips
- if he/she is irritated or angry when you ask about long absences
- if he he/she suddenly starts to work late but can't be reached at the office
- if he/she tells you he/she regularly stops off at a bar or diner after work but won't tell you which one
- if they become very angry when asked basic questions and then storm off for hours
- if they shower as soon as they come in, avoiding physical contact with you (they're afraid the scent of a lover might be on them. Washing also gets rid of guilty feelings)
- if they throw clothes into the washing machine as soon as they come home
- if he or she has to go on a business trip at very short notice but won't tell you much about it, or if they claim not to know where they are staying, the room number, hotel phone number, etc.
- if your spouse is distant and neglectful, seeming not to need sex anymore
- if your spouse is unusually nervous when you ask about their day, what they did
- if your spouse refuses to let you join in activities he/she insists on doing alone (or if your spouse is allows you to come along but is very annoyed: it means he or she had to cancel an appointment with a lover)
- if you catch a sexually transmitted disease (STD) from your spouse (quite common)
- if your spouse won't make love to you, won't explain why, and is defensive about his private parts (he might have an STD, infection, or have bodily evidence of energetic sexual activity, i.e. rawness and soreness in sensitive areas)
- if you talk to a friend or colleague and they know more about you and your family than they should. The person might be the lover, or might know about the affair (cheats will often tell a close friend what they are up to)
- if there are awkward moments at dinner parties and social gatherings with your spouse and someone else, e.g. if a person exaggeratedly pretends not to know your spouse or seem nervous in his/her presence
- spends hours on line especially after you have gone to bed or before you wake up, or if your spouse regularly gets up in the night to use the computer
- quickly turns off a computer or switches browser when you come into the room, or if your spouse is nervous if you stand too close to them when they are on the computer
- if you find soiled Kleenex under the computer table
- if he or she is unexpectedly short of money (lovers are often bought expensive gifts. Your spouse might be paying to stay in expensive hotel rooms, be buying expensive meals to impress a lover, or even be paying the rent on a love nest
- wants to buy an out-of-character car. Some men buy sports cars to impress a young mistress, even if a different kind of car would make more sense for a family guy.